Paying for the Wedding: Who Pays for What?

The Bride, Groom and His Parents

The Bride, Groom and Her Parents

Paying for the Wedding: Who Pays for What?

by Kelly Lyle

Congratulations! You’ve found your one and only, the individual you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’re engaged, and now…ready to walk down the aisle. Yes, congratulations indeed! Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions you will ever have to make.

And now, the fun part…you may have been thinking about this wedding for possibly many years, and in your mind you have created the most opulent celebration one could picture, but the extent of the celebration often comes down to the nitty gritty question, “Who pays for the wedding?”

Some say that traditions hold that the bride’s family is responsible to pay for the wedding, but where does this tradition find its roots?

In some ancient societies, female children were seen as a commodity, and the groom and his family were required to barter for the bride and provide the bride’s family with economic resources. In early Anglo-Saxon times, however, female children were considered a burden on the family, and when a groom asked for the daughter’s hand, a dowry was expected to accompany the soon to be bride. This dowry was to help with the expenses of taking on another female in the groom’s clan. As customs and society have evolved, the dowry, which is no longer given, has translated into the bride’s family paying for the wedding celebration.

But let’s face it! It isn’t 1950 anymore! The notion that the bride’s family pays for the wedding is simply an outdated, old fashioned notion. Once again, traditions have undergone change. According to recent statistics only 19% of weddings are paid for by the bride’s family. 15% of today’s weddings are paid for by the groom’s family. The rest? Either the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, or the couple and both families share the cost. The most current trend is for all three parties, the couple, the bride’s parents, and the groom’s parents, share in the expense of a wedding. Each set of parents provide a monetary gift to the couple and let the couple plan away!

So navigating who pays for what at a wedding can be stressful, but it doesn’t need to be.

Clearly communicate with each other about the expenses of a wedding and how much money is available. Today’s brides and grooms need to approach both sides of the family to determine how much money will be contributed from each party. A particularly admirable model for paying for the wedding is having each party pay for the guests they invite. If the groom’s family wants to invite 100 guests and the bride’s family want to invite 100 guests, the the cost are merely split, 50/50, or with the groom’s family paying a third, the bride’s family paying a third, and the couple paying a third.

If someone along the line still insists on outdated traditions, guidelines are imperative! Find a guide that all parties can agree upon and stick to it. The following guide is offered as a traditional breakdown:
Traditional Breakdown of Expenses

Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories

The Bride’s Family
The Engagement Ring The Groom
Wedding Ring for Bride The Groom
Wedding Ring for Groom The Bride

Wedding Gift for Groom The Bride
Wedding Gift for Bride The Groom
Bridesmaid Gifts The Bride
Groomsmen/Usher Gifts The Groom

Bride’s Bouquet The Groom and his family
Bridesmaid Bouquets The Bride and her family
Mother’s Corsages The Groom and his family
Grandmother Corsages The Groom and his family
Groom’s Boutonniere The Groom and his family
Groomsmen Boutonnieres The Groom and his family
Usher’s Boutonnieres The Groom and his family
Ceremony/Reception Flowers The Bride and her family

Altar Baskets/Arches The Bride and her family
Canopy/Carpet The Bride and her family
Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs The Bride and her family
Rented Items for Wedding The Bride and her family
Rented Items for Reception The Bride and her family

Invitations/Announcements The Bride and her family
Wedding Programs The Bride and her family
Napkins/Matches/Printed Items The Bride and her family

Marriage License The Groom and his family
Medical Visit for Bride The Bride and her family
Medical Visit for Groom The Groom and his family

Church Fee The Bride and her family
Clergyman/Officiant Fee The Groom and his family
Musician/Soloist The Bride and her family
Church Janitor The Bride and her family

Reception Hall Fee The Bride and her family
Catered Reception/ The Bride and her family
Professional Services

Alcohol at the Reception The Groom and his family

Wedding Photography The Bride and her family
Video Photography The Bride and her family
Orchestra/Band/DJ The Bride and her family

Wedding Cake The Bride and her family
Wedding Favors The Bride and her family
Groom’s Cake The Groom’s Family
Rice Bags The Bride and her family

Rehearsal Dinner The Groom and his family
Bridesmaid Luncheon The Bride
Bachelor Party Best Man/Groom’s Attendants

Bridesmaid’s Gowns Bridesmaids
Maid of Honor Gown Maid of Honor
Matron of Honor Gown Matron of Honor
Best Man Formal Wear Best Man
Usher’s Formal Wear Ushers
Groomsmen’s
Formal Wear Groomsmen
Gloves/Ties/
Ascots for Attendants The Groom

Father of Bride Formal Wear Bride’s Family
Father of Groom Formal Wear Groom’s Family

Children’s Formal Wear The Children’s Parents

Limousine Service The Groom
Honeymoon Arrangements The Groom and his family
Travel Expenses to the Wedding The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member
Accommodations for
out-of town Guests The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member
Gifts for the Couple Guest, Attendants and Family

By Kelly Lyle of Kelly Lyle Photography Want to use this information in your Blog?  You can but you must include this statement:  Written By Kelly Lyle of Kelly Lyle Photography, where “My Pictures are Art.”